MAY 1976

HIGH GEAR

BISEXUAL MARRIAGE

Page 17

By JERRY JUSZCZYK

While visiting in Cincinnati, recently, I was my pleasure to meet Dale, a charming young woman who very freely expressed feelings on her marriage to Tony, a gay man. What intrigued me about their relationship was that their's is not a marriage of convenience. The expression of love between Dale and Tony was not only genuine but overtly sexual. After an intimate conversation with Dale, I asked if we could share her story with readers of High Gear. These are one woman's thoughts on bisexual marriage:

"The first time I saw Tony was at a gay bar when I was about 17. I remember that he watched me dance very intently. He was kind of quiet and kept pretty much to himself. At the time I was living in a commune. I had a straight boyfriend then, a guy who had an unpredictable temper. He stood me up on New Year's Eve, so one of my girlfriends said, 'Let's go to this bar I know. It's really different and I know you'll love it.' When we got there I realized it was a gay bar... God, the men were beautiful... I felt uncomfortable. For once, men weren't treating me as a piece of ass."

"Anyway, Tony and I would say hello to each other and occasionally dance. This went on for about three months. Then we had a rap one night at the bar that lasted the entire. evening. Tony was going with a guy at the time. Well, he gave me his number and I called him the next day, and then I started visiting him at home. After about two months, we had a very intensive sexual encounter that seemed to last for days....

"Tony's definitely gay. I don't think I'd call him bisexual. Although he can get it on with women, outside of a friendship

thing, it's hard for him to establish anything deeply emotional. Our relationship is different. When I first met him,. we related to each other as people. He didn't see me as a chick coming on to him..."

"We'd been going together awhile when Tony started getting a need to be independent. He'd leave town and not tell me where he was going. I explained all I wanted was a friendship and had no

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intention of tying him down. Things worked out. In the three years we've been together, one married, Tony's had two long term lovers. You know, through it all, though he was satisfied, he still needed me. It's funny, the men were more possessive than I was. They always wanted him to take a stand, 'Why are you doing this if you're gay?,' they'd ask,"

"A lot of people didn't understand our feelings for each

other. 'What do you think you're doing' was the common attitude. Everyone thought it was a marriage of convenience Being gay is part of Tony's life. I fell in love with him because of the person he is a gay person. I don't want him to change, and he hasn't changed either."

Dale stops a moment, as if to catch her breach ... "To be bisexual is like being half in everything. I could never give Tony all a man could and viceversa. It'd be beautiful if Tony could find a male lover who understands my relationship with him. We love each other on all levels. So what if he's gay and I'm straight. If. it feels good, why not do it. Fuck the labels." And what of Dale's bisexuality? "I have a woman friend who was openly interested in having sex with

me. I tried, but it just didn't work out, so I stopped it before it got further than an emotional relationship with a woman. I really don't think I find women all that sexually attractive, but who knows?..."

our

"Right now, both Tony and I have matured in relationship. There's no more jealousy over the time we spend with or without each other. If he wants to trick or go to the bars, he just does it. If I want to be with my straight friends, I make my plans accordingly. We've even reched a point where Tony can bring guys home and make it with them in the living room. I I don't see this as any threat. So far as I'm concerned the real threat would be if another woman came into his life, or for him if a straight man came into mine. I'd be much more afraid of losing Tony to a woman than to a man, anyhow."

"If you understand it, bisexuality can be the best of both worlds; if you can't, it can be very frustrating. Bisexuality

makes you more open and less prejudiced. It's not only a sexual thing; it's a whole lifestyle. I think it's good... Well, let me qualify that. It's good, but I don't think anybody should be anything other than what they want to be.."

"I know gay-bi men who appreciate women sexually, yet for the most part they don't tell their women friends they're gay. I'm sure the women these men have relationships with feel they don't know the men very well. You can't have a relationship with someone and sneak here and there. Bisexual men would prefer to tell the men they're seeing they're bisexual more so than the women. That's a shame. Most gay-bi men have a hang-up about telling women they're gay. You know, it's this whole virility trip."

"Some gay men, of course, can't stand women. I resent that. It's like calling me a nigger or someone calling them a faggot. I can't accept them, if they can't accept me for what I am."

"I'm very happy with the relationship I have with Tony. All it is is basically being in love with another person. Any relationship you're involved with whether gay, straight, or bi, takes time, patience and understanding. You have to both give and take equally. If you become jealous or possessive, it'll get all fucked up."

"

don't know if I'd recommend my arrangement for anyone else. I guess I'd have to know the person. I think if something clicks between two people whatever their sexes, they should just follow through on it. You have to be sure you understand what you're into; but you shouldn't hold yourself back either. I love Tony, and I love the fact that he's gay. We're companions. What else is there?"

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